June 2nd 5047 BC - 10:03

Yesterday I tried my grape drink idea, and it was very successful! This new drink tastes different to grape juice, so I must give it a name. I will think about this. I drank a lot of it yesterday evening, and yet I have a headache again today, so it's obviously not from drinking too little. Must be some other reason...

Apart from enjoying my new drink, I had a bad night last night. My wife was angry with me for going to bed very late, and she said my breath smelled like rotten grapes. I was feeling quite amorous - not a small feat for a 600-year-old - and I made my mood very obvious. She said she wouldn't have bed-time union with me unless I was the last man on Earth! When I pointed out that, apart from her three sons, I was the last man on Earth, she just rolled over and went to sleep. I wasn't sleepy so I went back to the store and had more of my special drink. I woke up on top of one of the giant tortioses. God knows how I got there!

June 1st 5047 BC - 11:29

So far today hasn't being going too well. I woke up with a very sore head and I have no idea why. I only usually get a headache if I don't drink enough, and last night I ate a LOT of the over-ripe grapes, which is pretty much the same as drinking as they were very soggy. Maybe they weren't liquid enough though... I should press all the juice out of them and make a nice grape drink - that should remove the risk of headaches, especially if I drink a lot of it! Thinking about it, I should probably keep this grape concoction to myself...

May 31st 5047 BC - 23:37

The Ark may have been pitched from bow to stern to make it float, but why didn't we think to waterproof the roof?!! I really need to check that 'How to build an Ark that WORKS' scroll again. Anyway, the rain is coming in all over the place and it's a real problem. My supply of writing parchment got wet, and instead of my log looking like a neatly scribed text, it looks more like the spadefoot toads have been dancing on it! Still, I at least I don't have to carve my log in stone like my forefathers used to, so I have to thank the wonders of modern technology! I can't imagine that anything will ever come along that will be better than ink and parchment for keeping a record!!

On a more positive note, the grapes seem to have got a little too ripe. Okay, a LOT too ripe. My wife started complaining that they were ruined and we'd have to get rid of them, so I decided to eat some anyyway, just to show her that they really weren't so bad (and to keep her quiet). I have to say, they made me feel... gooooooood!

May 30th 5047 BC - 11:31

Another day another problem. Apparently there's a hole in the roof. One of the doves managed to escape and there was pandemonium! I had a feeling the gopher wood I used was inferior. 10-year guarantee my foot! Wait until I get my hands on the man who sold it to me! Well, I suppose he won't be selling any more of it. What goes around comes around.

Anyway, I had to climb on one of the giraffe's backs to reach the roof so I could patch it up, but as I was balancing, trying to hold the new wood in one hand and the hammer and nails in my other, the dove flew back in. The giraffe was startled, I lost my balance and fell off. Thankfully there's plenty of sawdust and straw everywhere, but even so I'm sure I'll have a nasty bruise on my backside tomorrow. I don't feel much like repairing the hole now either. If the doves want to fly off it's up to them. We'll see just how far they get!

May 29th 5047 BC - 14:23

Crisis! Shem just noticed we made a mistake with the elephants. Instead of bringing two Africans and two Indians, we brought four Africans! What are we going to do? It's too late to go back now!! Ham suggested we pick the smaller pair - the ones with the small ears - and pretend they're the Indian ones, but I'm not convinced. Indian elephants are very big, brown, covered in long, thick hair, and with very long tusks. Then again, who is there to argue?! Ham and I don't always see eye-to-eye, but I may have to go with him on this one. I'll just have to make a note somewhere that the brown, long-haired elephants were extinct long before I was born. I'm not exactly sure who the note is intended for... maybe my descendants thousands of years from now...

May 28th 5047 BC (supplemental)

I keep thinking back to the people who didn't make it. I guess they're ancient history now. They all laughed when I told them of an impending flood that will cover the Earth, and I guess I would have laughed too, had it not been for God giving me the nod the way he did. Anyway, I guess I'm having the last laugh now. Come to think of it, it was kind of strange God telling me to build a big boat and to gather a male and a female of all beasts that creepeth, crawleth, flyeth, and generally run around a loteth. He said: "Noah, I want you to build a boat". I said "What colour?". He said "It doesn't matter - just make sure it's really big". He is so wise.

Of course, when He said it needed to be big enough for 7 of every kind of clean beast and 2 of every kind of unclean beast (although to be perfectly honest they all seem unclean to me, couped up in this gigantic wooden box), and then gave me instructions on making it 300 cubits long, 50 cubits wide, and 30 cubits high, I had the idea that we would have a lot of room to move around. I mean, I'd only ever seen a few different kinds of animals and birds - I thought that's all we had to accommodate! I had no idea there were so many different animals from other places! Who's ever heard of a hippopotamus?

May 28th 5047 BC - 10:23

I couldn't tell you where we are now, but there's a lot of black rock-oil floating on the water's surface. I certainly hope we don't end up in this dirty place!

I mentioned last night over dinner about how it would have been nice to have some recreational facilities on the Ark, and Ham got very excited. He said how nice this would all be if it wasn't raining, as if it were some kind of vacation! We all laughed of course. I mean, who would get on a ship for fun? I'd understand if you need to get somewhere on the other side of a large body of water - especially if you have a lot of animals to carry - but for a vacation? It will never happen. Ham even went so far as to say you could have somewhere to swim on the ship, like a swimming 'pool', at which point the rest of us started laughing uncontrollably. Sometimes I wonder if that boy really is my son...